A Game of Card Houses
by hockeycrazy07
Summary: Magnus Bane was what you would call a surfing prodigy. He had an astounding talent and he loved the sport. But, in Magnus' experience, life seems to enjoy taking every thing he loves away from him. He didn't just lose surfing that day, he lost all of his friends, too. Most importantly, his best friend Alec Lightwood. Thanks, Life. Your services are much appreciated. MALEC AU HUMAN
1. Chapter 1

"What would you say constitutes the validity of a promise?" I ask, my eyes staring intently out the window.

"What?" Cat says while looking up from the book in front of her.

"I sai-" I start.

"No, I heard what you said. I just don't understand," Cat says, marking her book with a bookmark and setting it aside.

"Was I not speaking English?" I say with an eye roll. Cat narrows her eyes at me in an annoyed way.

"I don't understand why you're asking that," Cat says. Her eyes lighten a little like they do every time she is trying to find an answer to a question she doesn't know.

"Can you just answer it for me? Please?" I say, finally taking my eyes away from the window and looking at her.

"I don't know. The stakes probably have to be worth keeping the promise, I guess. Will you tell me why your asking now?" she says while tilting her head sightly. I sigh and look back out the window.

"What if there are no stakes and the promise is just a promise?" I say. I try to make my words make sense but the thoughts in my head are so jumbled, I don't think it's possible.

"What would the point be in keeping a promise if there was no reason to keep it?" Cat asks.

"I don't know. Maybe to prove something. Or maybe because you're scared what would happen if you didn't keep it," I say. I lean my head back against the window sill and roll my lips into my mouth.

"Magnus, are you in some kind of trouble I should know about." Cat leans forward and rests her elbows on her knees.

"Yes. Well, not really. I don't know. Maybe," I say. My eyes roll over the waves as they crash into the golden sand. So many emotions overwhelm me that it's hard to pick just one to focus on. Longing, grief, sadness, but most importantly, fear. The other emotions are just a by product of the relentless fear that builds up in me. I want it to go away. I want it to go away so bad. It took everything from me.

"You know you can tell me anything, right, Mags?" Cat says, worry in her eyes. I know she means well, and I love her for it. I wish I could tell her but I can't and I know I can't. This is a weight I won't put on her shoulders, no matter how much it would take off mine. There are just some things people don't need to know.

"You know I love you, Cat. I really appreciate you being my friend all these years," I say with a small smile.

"I wish you would tell me what's bothering you," Cat says with a sigh. She leans back and picks up her book again. She knows this is a lost cause. It always is.

I watch the kids playing in the water, some even trying to ride their first surfboards. That was me, in every sense. That was what my entire childhood was like, and it makes me so sad to watch, knowing that's not my life anymore. Ever since that day, this small town has felt smaller than it ever did before. My days used to be filled with laughter, and joy, and doing what I loved most. Now I'm burdened with having to avoid places I long to go and people I wish I could see. But I know it isn't possible because going to those places and seeing those people would make my already difficult life infinitely harder. I'm not sure if I could survive the pain.

I glance at the clock on the wall of the small beach home and sigh. It's getting late and if I don't leave now, my mom will start to worry. I stand up and gather my bag off the floor. I walk over to Cat and place a delicate kiss on her cheek.

"I have to head home. I'll see you later?" I say while starting to make my way towards the front door. Cat nods and smiles at me. I open the door but Cat makes me pause before I have a chance to step out.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Whenever you feel your ready. I just want you to know that," Cat says, her tone as sweet as it can get. I smile at her, a genuine smile that has become rare on my face.

"Trust me, Cat, I know. Maybe one day I'll take you up on that," I say. Cat nods and smiles at me. We both know the chances of that day ever coming are very slim, but sometimes it's better to delude yourself to help you push forward. Sometimes it's the only way to help you make it through the day.

I walk out the door, shutting it softly behind me. The smell of the ocean assaults my nose as I walk down the tastefully worn front steps. I inhale deeply and close my eyes for a second. The smell envelopes me and makes me feel cozy. There is nothing I love more than that smell. Well, actually, I can think of a few things. But ignoring those, this smell is one thing that wasn't taken from me. It fills me with a nostalgic feeling without the negative connotation I'm accustomed to these days. For a second, every thing feels normal and right. Everything is how it's supposed to be. But sadly, a second has to pass as time pushes it forward, bringing with it reality.

My steps forward are reluctant as I start the short walk back to my house. My feet drag on the ground slightly as I try my best to keep my eyes off the ever present ocean next to me. I block out the sounds that are permanently imprinted into my brain and focus on my route home. A light layer of sand covers the sidewalk, as it does everywhere in this town. It would be more shocking to find a street void of any trace of the beach, a fact I used to love. Lately, it just makes me feel more sick than everything.

The walk home isn't more than 5 minutes and in no time I am almost in front of the modest home I have lived in my entire life. Two houses stand in between me and my sanctuary. I was feeling safe and confident that I had made it home. Too confident, in fact. So confident that I let my guard down which was probably the biggest mistake I had made that day.

"Magnus," a soft voice says from behind me. I stop in my tracks and close my eyes. I know that voice. There is no way for me to not know that voice. If I was smart I would have kept walking home. If I was strong, I never would have stopped. But I am neither of those, so I do the only thing I can think of doing. I turn around and stare into those blue eyes that I try so hard to forget.

The man in front of me looks just as I would picture him to. His black hair is tousled and slightly damp, a sign of where he just came from. His sleeveless tee hugs him in all the right places and clashes perfectly with his patterned swim suit. A board I know all too well, having helped him pick it out three years ago, is held tightly under his arm. His feet are bare, as expected, considering his strange aversion to shoes.

"Alexander," I manage to say, my throat being constricted by every emotion I am currently feeling.

"How have you been?" he asks, his blue eyes staring at me with his untainted innocence. There's no point in even trying to lie to him. It would be a waste of my effort.

"I'm still going," I say. I force a small smile on my face to try to reassure him but I know it does no good. A silence falls between us as we just study the person in front of us.

"I miss you," Alec says hesitantly. I run a hand through my hair and stop myself from saying what I really want to say. I stop myself from telling him that I miss him and that the last six months have hurt me more than he could even imagine.

"I've been around," I say instead. Alec's eyes instantly get sadder and I feel bad for saying it, but I don't take it back.

"I know," Alec says with a small nod. He bites his lip and fiddles with the edge of his t-shirt. His eyes make it seem like he's debating what to say next. I wait for him to speak because I know if I let myself say something, it will be something that I eventually regret.

"Everyone is coming over my place tonight for a bonfire. Would you want to join us, you know, if you're not busy?" he finally blurts out. His eyes look at me expectantly, hope being the primary emotion I can find in them. I know I can't go. I know I can't do that to myself. But I also know I can't disappoint him, not again.

"I'm not sure. I'd have to ask my mom," I say while casting my eyes down.

"Oh. Of course," Alec says. His voice sounds a little sad, as if he knows it's not the truth. "Well, if she says yes, it would mean a lot if you could come. I'm sure everyone would want to see you. I know it would mean a lot to me if you came."

"I'll ask her when I get home," I say, not sure if I actually will or not, yet.

"It's at the same time as always. I hope you can come," he says. I look back up to him as he gives me one of his heart melting smile. He waves a little with his free hand before turning and walking in the opposite direction of my house.

I sigh as I walk back towards my destination. Why did he have to smile at me like that? It's like he knows what it does to me, the power it has over me. I know I should go to this. I know I shouldn't even consider it, but that smile. It's the smile that I've tried, and succeeded, to avoid ever since that day. It was hard to stay away before, but when he looks at me like that, it makes it practically impossible.

I push my yellow front door open and step in. I walk over to the kitchen where I find my mom leaning over the stove, cooking whatever it is she is cooking. I walk behind her and place my head on her shoulder. She turns to me and places a kiss on my cheek. I smile and sit down at the island in the middle of the room. I debate if I should even ask her what I said I would. I know what she will tell me, and once she does, I no longer have any excuses. No way to get out of what I know will only hurt me. I bite my lip and decide to just do it.

"I ran into Alec on the street just now," I say, staring at the tile on the island in front of me.

"Oh?" my mom says, turning to look at me. I nod without lifting my head.

"He wants me to go to a bonfire at his house tonight. I said I had to ask you first," I say, my hands fidgeting in my lap.

"Of course you can go!" my mom exclaims. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. "I think it would be good for you to go."

"I don't know, Mom," I say with a sigh. "I haven't talked to them since..." My voice softly trails off at the end.

"Honey, these are your best friends, the kids you grew up with. I'm sure they want to see you just as much as you want to see them." She rests her head on my shoulder and smiles at me.

"I-" I start.

"No, you're going. This isn't up for discussion," Mom says while walking over to the stove and continuing dinner.

"Okay," I say softly. She smiles at me over her shoulder and it makes me happy to see her happy.

"Now, go get ready. If I remember correctly, the party should be starting in a half hour." I nod and walk towards my bedroom. I shut the door and stare into the mirror on the back of my door.

I try to convince myself that I will be okay. That this will be okay. It's not like I'll be going to the beach, or worse. It's just going to Alec's backyard with the friends I grew up with. The same friends I haven't talked to in months. This is something I can do, a small gift I can give myself. This will make me happy and I deserve to be happy.

By the time I have finally convinced myself to go, I'm already five minutes late. I spend the next ten minutes rushing to get ready before I'm shuffling out the door, yelling a quick goodbye to my mom.

The route to the Lightwood house is familiar, too familiar. I wouldn't be able to count the amount of times I have walked these exact same steps. I can feel the emotions welling up in me as I continue to go. I have half a mind to turn back but I keep going, because I remember how happy my mom looked and how happy Alexander looked and I can't help it but want to make them both happy again. I walk up the few steps to the door and hesitate before pressing the doorbell.

The door is opened by Alec's mom, Maryse. She looks at me with wide eyes as a smile grows on her face. I smile at the women who could be considered my second mother. I've missed seeing her everyday and I can tell she feels the same by the way she looks at me.

"Magnus! Alec told me you might be coming," she says enthusiastically. I nod and clasp my hands in front of me.

"Well, don't be a stranger," she says before she pulls me into a large hug. I slowly wrap my arms around her thin waist as she rests her head on my shoulder.

She softly whispers the words, "Welcome home, Baby. Welcome home," into my shirt and it makes me want to cry. But I hold in the tears as best I can. I can't start this night by crying. I need to hold it together best I can.

Maryse lets me go, a large smile on her face and her eyes tearing up a bit. "Everyone is in the back," she says. I nod and walk in the direction on the back door. I pause and take a deep breath before pushing it open.

A fire sits in the middle of the medium sized backyard with a group of teenagers surrounding it. The sun is starting to set as the group laughs together over something one of them said. A small smile makes it's way onto my face as I remember when I used to be part of that circle, making the jokes or laughing along. I still would be part of this group, had in not been for that one stupid day that took everything from me. I loose my smile when I think of that and take another step into the yard. I let the door shut behind me with a bang, making everyones heads turn towards me.

The atmosphere instantly changes when they see me standing there. They all look stunned to see me and Izzy, Alec's sister and practically my own sister, goes as far as slapping her hand over her mouth. I give them a small smile and raise my eyebrows a little. I look over to Alec to see him looking at me with a huge smile, his eyes lighting up.

"Magnus! You came!" he exclaims, the excitement apparent in his voice. I nod and shrug a little, not sure what to say. Alec's statement seems to break Izzy out of whatever trance she was under and she jumps out of her seat. She races across the yard and jumps onto me, wrapping me in a tight hug. A catch her waist and hold her up for a second before placing her feet on the ground. I bury my face in her ink black hair while she buries her face in my shoulder, just as her mother did.

"I'm so happy you're here. I missed you so much, Magnus," Izzy mumbles, her voice a little shaky. I can feel the tears she's shedding start to seep into my shirt and can't help it when one falls out of my eye and into her hair. Izzy isn't the type of girl who cries. If I counted out the amount of times she has, I wouldn't even need two hands. So to have her crying into my shoulder like this, there is no other appropriate reaction than to cry with her.

She pulls away from me and roughly takes my face in her hands. "Never do that to me again, Magnus Bane, or next time you'll regret it. Do you hear me?" Izzy says through the tears falling onto her cheeks.

"I already regret it, so, so much." I shake my head, my lower lip trembling a bit as I look at the beautiful girl in front of me. Someone taps her shoulder and she turns to see her boyfriend, Simon Lewis, standing there. She moves over a bit and Simon pulls me into a quick hug. He puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles at me.

"It's good to see you, Man," he says. I smile back at him and nod. He lightly grabs Izzy's hand and pulls her back towards their seats. The next thing I know, I'm assaulted by a mane of red hair and tiny arms are wrapping around my waist. Tears are now continuously falling down my face no matter how hard I try to stop them.

"I can't believe you're here," Clary says. I smile down at her through my tears and see her eyes getting a little watery, too. When Clary let's me go, I'm pulled into another hug by Jace Herondale, who I would never hug on any other occasion than this.

"He's really missed you, you know. He's practically been a mess," Jace whispers to me before he let's me go.

"And you haven't, Goldilocks?" I say with a small smile. Jace gives a shaky laugh and covers one of his eyes with his hand, turning his face away a little.

"You haven't changed a bit, Sparkles," he says. The tears are falling harder now and any effort to stop them is slowly dissolving. Jace walks back to his seat next to Clary and takes her hand. I look to the last person left in the yard and give him a small smile. Alec stares at me, his eyes wide and his lips pouting slightly.

"No hug?" I say while opening my arms. He practically sprints into my arms and hugs me tighter than any of them. When Alec puts his arms around me, I break into a full out sob, crying into his shoulder. I missed him so much, more than I could ever express in words. Being here in his arms is somewhere I'd never thought I'd be again. I feel Alec pulling me over to the side of the house, away from everyone else's eyes, his arms never leaving me.

"I've missed you, Magnus," he says with a small sniffle.

I manage to choke out, "I missed you, too," though my sobs. The emotions are pouring out of me and there's nothing I can do anymore to stop them. It feels so right to be in his arms and there's no way I can deny it. I've spent the last 6 months running from this and I can't do it anymore. I need him even if I try to tell myself I don't.

"Please, don't ever do this to me again, Magnus. I can't handle you not talking to me," Alec says.

"I can't either, Alexander. I can't either," I say. My tears start to slow down and I pull away to look into those eyes that I love so much. "I'm not going anywhere. This is right where I need to be."

Alec dazzles me with his amazing smile again and wipes away the rest of my tears with the pad of his thumb. I smile at him as he does this. He loosely takes my hand and starts to bring me back towards the fire, back towards the people I have missed so much.

 **Whadaya think? Shall I continue? Is it stupid? If I do continue, it will probably be like my other Malec fics and only a couple chapters long. Not sure yet. Well, don't be shy! Tell me what you want me to do in the reviews!**

 **-Hockeycrazy7**


	2. Chapter 2

Pale fingers run through my slightly damp hair. My eyes slip closed as I listen to the sounds of the TV in the background. We're watching the Last Song for the thousandth time, being that it's our all time favorite movie. My head is resting on Isabelle's lap while she leans against the headboard of her bed.

"I think he might love you," Izzy says out of the blue. A bitter laugh escapes my lips as I turn my head to look at her.

"Not in the way I want him to," I say. Izzy shakes her head and moves her eyes to mine from the TV.

"You don't know that," she says.

"Has he told you differently?" I say while raising an eyebrow.

"Not exactly but-"

"Iz-"

"No, Mags, listen. You didn't see how upset he was after the accident and after you started avoiding him. He fell apart completely. I'm not sure what he would have done if you didn't make it." Izzy looks back to the TV with a sigh.

"He was my best friend. Of course he was upset after what happened. That doesn't mean he thinks of me as anything more than a friend," I say. I want to believe what she's saying but I can't let my self get my hopes up, not again. Alexander Lightwood is my best friend and that's all we'll ever be to each other, whether I like it or not.

"I think you're wrong. Why don't you just tell him how you feel?" Izzy says, barely above a whisper.

"I'll scare him away if I do. I can't lose him," I say.

"You've been ignoring him for months. How is that different from losing him?" Iz states, a little edge in her tone.

"Yeah and look how far that got me," I say. "I can't live without you guys, whether I like it or not."

"Then why'd you do it?" Izzy asks hesitantly. My posture stiffens at her question. I knew it was coming eventually but I was hoping it would be later rather than sooner.

"This is my favorite part," I say while moving my eyes to the screen. Izzy sighs again but doesn't push the question further. We finish the rest of the movie in silence, Izzy's fingers still working through my hair. Once the credits start rolling I move my head off of Izzy's lap and onto one of her pillows. She lies down next to me and pulls her comforter over us.

"He visited you every day in the hospital before you woke up and said he couldn't." Izzy says. I sigh and close my eyes. I knew she would never give up on this.

"I know. My mom told me."

"We all came to see you. Just not as often as him," Iz says. "He even kept coming after you told your mom not to let us in. He would just sit in the waiting room for hours."

"I didn't know that," I say, shocked. I had figured Alec just gave up after I wouldn't allow any of them into my hospital room.

"He didn't stop until you got out. I think he was hoping that one day you would change your mind and let him in." Izzy curls her legs up and wraps her arms around them.

"I'm sorry," I say. The words feel so insignificant as they fall out of my lips. I have a feeling there is nothing I could say that would truly make up for what I did.

"Do you have any idea what you put us through?" Izzy says. I gulp as I wait for her to continue. "We were so happy that you pulled through after those terrible two weeks of not knowing what was going to happen. Then you wouldn't talk to us and it was like you actually had died. We would see you in the hallway and even though you wouldn't look at us, we still watched you. We were constantly reminded of you, making us miss you even more."

"I get it, Iz. Trust me, I get it. But you have to understand while you were losing one friend, I was losing _five._ Do you know how that made me feel?" I say, desperately trying to make her understand.

"At least you knew what was wrong. We had no idea what we did for you to hate us," Iz says. A tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away.

"I could never hate you, Isabelle. Or any of the others, as a matter of fact. I was just dealing with a lot and being around you guys would have only made it worse. I needed to come to terms with what happened," I say.

"Have you?"

"Have I what?" I raise my eyebrow at her.

"Come to terms with what happened," she says while sniffling a little.

"I don't know," I say with a shrug. "It's more complicated than a yes or no answer."

"Are you ever going to get back out there?" she asks. I suck in a breath and close my eyes. It's hard to understand how such a vague question can draw so much feeling out of me. We both know exactly what she means and we both know the weight of my answer. I quickly shake my head without opening my eyes. Izzy sighs and wraps her arms around me.

"No one has been able to beat your records. Alec was close at the last competition, but he still didn't do it," Izzy says in a lighter tone. I look up to her with a small smile on my lips.

"How close?" I ask.

"He finished in first with a score of 17, giving him 24 points at this point in the season," Izzy says, a proud smile on her lips. I realize how much I miss witnessing the love those two share. They're such an odd pair but their bond is so strong, it's hard not to be affected by it.

"That's only 7 points away from my record," I say excitedly.

"Yeah, I know. If he wins the next two meets, he'll be taking that one from you. He's still not close to your streak of 5 perfect scores in a row, though. He's only gotten two 20's this season." Izzy smiles at me and rests her head on my shoulder.

"Wow, he's gotten good. I wish I could see him ride," I say while shaking my head. I can't believe how good Alec has gotten without me even realizing it. Of course, I haven't been keeping up with the team, knowing it would be way too hard on me. I never imagined that it would be Alec taking my spot on top of the team. I assumed it would be Jace. I'm happy it wasn't, though. I'm proud of Alexander, knowing he's worked hard to achieve what he has.

"You can," Izzy says, pulling me out of my thoughts. I raise my eyebrows at her in a confused manner. "Tomorrow morning we have practice, as always. Come with us."

"No! No way that's happening," I say abruptly. My voice raises slightly as I shoot up into a sitting position.

"Calm down, Mags. I'm not asking you to surf. I'm just saying you can watch, considering you wanted to see how good Alec has gotten for yourself," Izzy says while sitting up with me. She puts her hand on my forearm as my heavy breaths start to slow down.

"I can't. I haven't stepped on a beach since..." I manage to say without yelling.

"Then now is a good time to. You'll have your friends there to help and support you. You'll be okay," Izzy says softly. I hop out of the bed and start pacing the room.

"I knew this would happen the second I went back to you guys. I'm so stupid! Why did I do this? This whole night was a mistake," I mumble as I walk circles around Izzy's room.

"Magnus, please calm down," Izzy says. She stands up and grabs me around the waist, affectively stopping my movements. "You can't run from this your whole life. It's been six months! You need to try and move on. Do it for yourself. You know you'll never be truly happy until you surf again. It's what you love."

"Yeah, well things change. I need to move on from that part of my life," I say harshly while shoving her arms off of me. I walk towards the door and reach to pull it open.

"Please don't leave! Not again, Magnus. Not again," she says barely above a whisper. The tears are evident in her voice. I pause in my motion and rest my head against the door. What am I doing? Why am I leaving again, right after I got them back. I must be more unstable than I thought if one small conversation can send me running. I need to be strong, or at least I need to pretend to be strong. They do say the more you repeat a lie, the more you start to believe it. Hopefully that's true.

"Fine," I whisper. I know Isabelle hears me from the way her arms wrap around my torso. She pulls me towards the bed until we're both lying down and under the comforter.

"I promise, you won't regret this," she says into my hair. I sigh and close my eyes. I really hope she's right.

The wind blows through my hair as I stand on the edge of the street. The smell of the ocean is so strong here. This is the closest I've ever gotten in the last six months. I thought I would be freaking out more than I am but I think I'm actually calmer. It's like my brain is relaxing me, telling me that this is where I'm supposed to be. I open my eyes and look to Izzy standing next to me.

"You ready?" she asks. I look out onto the beach and bight my lip. The team is already out in the waves being that Izzy is late, not surprisingly. I can't tell who is who yet because we aren't close enough. Izzy grabs my hand with the hand not holding her surf board. I look to her and nod.

Izzy takes a step onto the beach and pulls me with her. My toes curl as my bare feet hit the sand. It's cool and soft, just as I remember it being. Izzy brings me to where the rest of the team keeps their stuff and I sit down in the sand. Izzy puts her things down and runs towards the water, zipping her wet suit up as she goes.

I pull my knees up to my chest and sigh. I sift one of my hands through the sand, loving the feeling against my skin. It brings back so many great memories and amazing feelings. A small smile is on my face as I look over to the ocean. Someone falls into the sand next to me and I look over into Alec's beautiful eyes.

"Hey," he says with a small smile. He lightly nudges me with his shoulder before running his hand through his wet hair.

"Hey to you too," I say, returning his smile. "How's practice going?" I ask.

"Good until you showed up," Alec says with a cheeky grin.

"Oh. Do you want me to go?" I say while raising my eyebrows. Alec chuckles a little and shakes his head.

"No, not at all. It's nothing you did. I just can't concentrate with you sitting so close," Alec says. He looks at me through his lashes, a shy smile on his lips.

"I'm not that close to the water. I'm pretty far away actually," I say.

"Well, you're close enough to distract me," he says.

"I'm sorry," I say. Alec leans into me so our shoulders are touching.

"Don't be sorry for something that isn't your fault," Alec says. Our eyes lock as we look at each other. There's an emotion in his eyes that I can't exactly place. There's a lot of happiness in them, that much is obvious. I can see a bit of hope and maybe a little sadness. Love seems to be present but that might just be my wishful thinking.

"I heard you've been doing pretty well," I say, my eyes not leaving his. A small smile plays at his lips.

"I'll never be as good as you were," Alec says with a shrug.

"You never know. I wasn't that good," I say, a small blush spreading on my cheeks. Alec rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"You're joking, right? You were amazing, better than amazing. I doubt anyone will ever be able to live up to your legacy."

"You flatter me," I say in a joking tone while placing a hand over my heart.

"You could still be amazing, if you just got back out there. I know you can," Alec says hesitantly. He averts his eyes a bit as if scared of what my reaction might be. I suck in a quick breath and bight my lip.

"I can't do it," I say while shaking my head. Alec looks back to my face, his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised.

"But why won't you try? This is what you love and it's what you're good at. I just don't underst-"

"No, you don't understand," I interrupt.

"Well then make me understand," he says. He scoots a little bit closer to me so our thighs graze each other with each movement.

"I died, Alexander. I wasn't just injured. For 8 seconds in that ambulance, I left this world completely. If they hadn't been able to revive me, I'd still be gone. I can't take that risk again," I say. I turn my head away form him and roll my lips into my mouth. Alec grabs my chin and turns my head to face him again.

"It was a freak accident. The chances of it happening again is insanely low."

"That's the thing, it wasn't a freak accident! It was all my fault!" I exclaim.

"What do you mean? You were knocked off your board and hit your head. How is that your fault?" Alec says, his eyebrows drawing together. I sigh and shake my head. "Please, tell me."

"I shouldn't have been out there in the first place," I say softly.

"The storm wasn't that bad. You've surfed in worse before," Alec says, his face plagued with confusion. I bite my lip and look at him. I don't want to tell him but this is my best friend. In some respect, I feel like he has a right to know.

"I was upset, really upset. I went surfing to make me feel better. I knew I shouldn't be surfing when upset but I wasn't thinking straight. Not only that but I went alone. The entire thing was my fault," I say. I feel a weight on my hand and look down to see Alec's hand on top of mine. He laces his fingers through mine and squeezes.

"What made you so upset to do something like that?" Alec asks. I turn my head away again and close my eyes.

"I can't tell you that," I say softly.

"Why? I thought we told each other everything," Alec says. His voice sounds a little bit desperate. It makes me want to tell him but I know I shouldn't. It would reveal everything I've tried so hard to keep hidden.

"I just got you back. I don't want to lose you again," I say. When I turn my head back to him, our faces are barely an inch apart. I can feel his breath ghosting over my lips.

"Nothing you say could ever scare me off," he says. He opens his mouth as if to say something but instead just shakes his head a little.

"I'm pretty sure this would," I say.

"Try me." I sigh when he says this. I doubt there's anyway I'm going to be able to get away with not telling him.

"I overheard something that wasn't meant for me to hear. I just sort of thought it wasn't true but after hearing it, I couldn't deny it anymore. It hit me hard," I say. I hope this satisfies his curiosity enough that he doesn't ask questions.

"What did you hear?" Alec asks. I sigh but am too worn down to try to hold any information back from him.

"The person I'm in love with basically rejected me," I say. Alec looks a bit dejected when I say this but I don't know why he would be.

"I didn't realize there was someone you loved," Alec says softly.

"I don't really tell anyone. It's too hard to know that the love of my life will never love me back." I shrug in an attempt to play it off as nothing but I know by the way Alec is looking at me that he realizes how much it hurts. He pulls me into a hug and buries his head in my hair. I think I hear him inhale my scent before he pulls away.

"I need to get back to practice. Think about what we talked about, okay?" Alec asks. I nod and look at him through my lashes as he stands up. He brushes his hand across my cheek and smiles fondly. I watch as he picks up his board and heads back into the water.

As I watch him paddle deeper in, I have this longing in the pit of my stomach to be by his side. I try to push down the urge to hop into the water but it's hard to ignore. It's been there ever since I stopped surfing but has never been as strong as it is now. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to hold off my urges.


End file.
